September 22, 2020

The Tonight Show: At Home Edition (Hashtags: #QuarantineATVShow)

-Hi, guys.

Welcome to “The Tonight Show:At Home Edition.

” I hope everyone is staying athome safe and healthy.

Thank you so muchfor watching our show.

We have a great show tonight.

We have — Chelsea Handleris on the show tonight.

-Did I draw that?-Yep, you drew that.

Thank you very much.

Chelsea Handler, who has one of the best lines you'll hear later on tonight.

She's like, “I don't like FaceTime.

” She goes, “FaceTime is not for adults.

The whole reasonI didn't have kids is so I wouldn'thave to FaceTime.

” Anyways, Chelsea Handler — that's her charityshe's working with, Jersey.

New Jersey is havingsome tough times right now, so we're sending our thoughtsout to New Jersey.

And we're going to get some helpfor you guys tonight.

Also, Kelly Clarkson.

Oh, my gosh.

She hosts her own talk show.

She's doing it from home.

She's on “The Voice.

” And she has a new song out rightnow in five different languages.


orgis her charity.

We love Kelly Clarkson.

And then we're closing out theshow with Michael McDonald, who's going to doone of his classics and a song I thinkfits perfectly for quarantine time right now.


org is his charity.

We love you, Michael McDonald.

[ As McDonald ]♪ We love you ♪ [ Normal voice ] We startedthis yesterday, guys, but our friends over at T-Mobilereally stepped it up.

They're doing a thing withGirls & Boys Club so that front-line andhealthcare workers get some child-careduring this time right there.

So if you text “thanks”to 50555, it will be a $5 donationgoing right into Boys & Girls Club for thespecial COVID-19 Relief Fund.

And T-Mobile saidthey will match up to $400, 000 in donations, so that is awesome.

Thank you.

And it could be any carrier, by the way.

Doesn't have to be T-Mobile.

If you have whatever, just text “thanks” to 50555, and it'll be great.

Franny, are you cozy?-Yeah, yeah.

-Are you cozy? -I'm going toput down my blanket.

I'm going to go under —Do you have a blue tongue? Let me see your tongue.

What is going on? Where did you go?-Dark, light.

Dark, light.

-Dark and light.

Okay, very good.

Long day of homeschooling.

Let's do a monologue, everybody.

Here we go.

♪♪Okay, ready for the monologue? Are you going to laugh?-This is the.



-Oh, my God.

What is this character? You don't smile like that.

That's how you smile?By not smiling? Oh, my goodness.


Welcome to “The Tonight Show.

” Oh, by the way, I will say, Dude Perfectis on the show tonight.

We're going to do somethingfun with those guys.

We love Dude Perfect.

Thank you for that.

And before we do the monologue, I just want to thank my wife, who I love so much.

I could not do any of thiswithout you.

You're the greatest.

-I love you, too.

-I love you so much.

My wife, who's notnumber one with technology.

She's — You know, it's not on her list of things thatshe wants to get into.

Anyways, she was tryingto help me out because we're doing a bit forthis giant relief concert that's happening this Saturday.

And, so, I wanted to see ifI can get an earpiece.

And so Nancy thought maybe ifI painted the Air– my AirPod brown that it would — It would blend in with my ear, thinking that it goes up into my hair, but AirPods go down.

So she goes, “Oh, that didn't work.

” So then she painted it.

She wanted topaint it skin color.

So these are my AirPods.

This is what they look like now.

So no one can tell thatI'm wearing an AirPod.

So thank you, honey.

You were like — Can you tell that I'm wearingan earpiece, Winnie? -Yeah.

-What? -It's right there.

-Where? -Yeah, thank you.

-Where is it? -Where is it? -Oh.

-No, I don't see it.

♪♪ Alright, guys, welcome to “The Tonight Show:At Home Edition.

” Well, guys, this is very interesting.

Satellite photos showthat the Earth has been thriving since peoplehave had to stay inside.

Damn, it's like we broke upwith Earth, and now it's coming backwith its revenge body.

Some sports news.

The PGA Tour announced thatgolf will return in June, but without any fans.

I know I'll be watching, mostly to hear all the caddies sing”Happy Birthday” twice while using the ball washer.

Of course, people who love togamble on sports are also thrilled, but they also were like, “Hey, how muchyou want to bet it gets pushed back to July?” So, today isNational Librarian Day.

Man, between National LibrarianDay and golf coming back, this is a huge day forpeople who love whispering.

I read that Facebookwill start alerting users if they've interacted withcoronavirus misinformation.

Yeah, apparently, they sendyou a message that says, “You've signed into Facebook.

” Listen to this.

The C.



ofthe company that makes “Call of Duty” and”World of Warcraft” gave out his personal phonenumber to 10, 000 employees to help themthrough the pandemic.

When I heard that, I was so inspired.

That's why, today, I gave all my employees that C.



's phone number, as well.

Experts are saying, although it's difficult, you should try to consumehealthy, mood-boosting foods instead of comfort food.

I'm trying my best.

That's why for lunch, I stuck a walnut inside my tray of Totino's pizza rolls.

You get the surprising nut roll.

Some TV news.

Earlier tonight, ABC aired a special called “The Disney Family Singalong.

” Yeah.

And this makes sense, especially when it was sponsored by Excedrin, Advil, and Jack Daniel's.

[ Laughs ] I heard about a man in Michiganwho broke a record for the most shots from behindthe backboard in one minute.

And if you missed it, don't worry — ESPN will be airing it on a loopfor an entire week.

And, finally, I read about a couple that named their baby Sanitizerbecause of the pandemic.

Yeah, in a few years, he'll be in preschool with Sourdough, Zoom Potato, and Joe Exotic Jr.

That is our monologue, everybody.

Thank you very much.

It is time for “Hashtags”! ♪♪ Alright, it's time for”Hashtags, ” everybody.

We send out a hashtagevery week on the socials and we ask you guysto respond back.

So, our theme this time is”Quarantine a TV Show.

” And my example was, “The Face-Masked Singer.

” There you go.

Can you hold that?-Uh-huh.

-Alright, here we go.

That was the first one.

Alright, so, let's start off.

These are “Hashtags:Quarantine a TV Show.

” This one is from @Katie –Oh, from @Kattfunny.

She said, “Everybody Loves Ramen.

” Here you go.

This one's from @Kyleshamorian.

Oh, yeah.

He put “Baking Bad.

” That's probablya banana-bread reference.

Here, you want to hold this one?-Yeah.

-Thank you.

-No, me.

-It's alright.

You got the next one.

This one's from @BMWJenn.

@BMWJenn wrote, “Homeschool Musical.

” I'd watch that.

Get Efron on the phone.

Alright, this one's from@doublesamfarms.

Oh, @doublesamfarms.

They put, “This Is Us Doing Nothing.

” That's “Quarantine a TV Show.

” You want that one?That's for you.

Okay, good.

-Yay! -This one is from –Alright, hold on.

This one's from @thesouptv.

They put — I like this one.

“Law & Order a Pizza.

” That's good right here.

Alright, unicorn.

Unicorn, sit down.

-Unicorn, sit down! -This one is from @sandyleetv.

She wrote, “Zoey's ExtraordinaryGrocery List.

” -That one's for me!-There you go.

This one is from@taradublinrocks.

Oh, I love this one.

“Quarantine a TV.

” She put, “Joanie Loves Fauci.

“[ Laughs ] “Joanie Loves Fauci.

” Come on.

That's great.

This last one's from — Oh, no.

There's a couple more left.

This one's from @carynsue.

“Quarantine a TV –“She put, “Inlander.

” Oh, yeah.

That's the end of “Outlander.

” It's “Inlander” now.

This one's from @Chrisoshow.

I like this one.

He put, “Quaranteenage MutantNinja Turtles.

” You want that one?Here you go.

-Yay! -This last one is from@Carolyncaroline.

-Yeah, that's the one.


She wrote, of course, “Family Feud.

” There you go right there.

That was our “Hashtags, ” everybody, right there.

We'll be right back withmore “Tonight Show.

” Come on back.

We have Chelsea Handler, Kelly Clarkson, Michael McDonald, Dude Perfect.

Come on back.

-Don't make me very mad andnever play with you.


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